Day 6 and 7

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster constantly going up and down. Yesterday CJ did not eat very well again, for breakfast he ate 1 1/2 powdered doughnuts and then for lunch he ate a little noodles. Then when we sat down for dinner I just wasn't expecting him to eat much at all. We had chicken, green beans and butter noodles. When I put his plate down in front of him I sighed real big and he looked up at me and said mom I'm not going to fight you about eating tonight. ( What a sweet heart) as you can imagine my heart melted and I almost felt like crying but instead I told him that I thought that would be a wonderful idea.He ended up eating an 1/8 of a cup of noodles. Not so great but better than nothing, he was true to his word though and did not fight me. Well since he didn't eat very well I decided to go ahead and hook him up to his pump with him awake instead of waiting until he fell asleep. Boy was he excited. Unfortunately for me he loves his pump and the comfort he feels when he is hooked up. I am worried about his weight loss. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry about it, but I just can't help it. I just love and worry about him so much.
Anyways that was day 6 then for day 7 it started out really rough. CJ had a bowel movement some time during the night and did not wake up. So needless to say when I woke up the whole upstairs smelled really bad. He has been having accidents like this every night since we stopped the tube feedings I'm not sure why. Well needless to say I had to peel his underwear off him and stick him in the shower all before 6am. I felt so sorry for him and just hated having to wake him up so early. I tried to get him to fall back asleep but he wasn't having any of that.
Well after a little TV time and my shower I asked him what he wanted for breakfast and he said doughnuts again so we went and got some but he wouldn't eat them. He was crying and I was begging what a sight that was.lol. I even threatened to throw away his pump (that didn't work) . He did finally eat 1 3/4 so I was pleased with that but didn't hold out much hope for the rest of the day since he didn't seem to be in a very good mood.
WOW! Was I wrong, he ate really awesome. When I picked them up from grandma's she handed me a whole list of what he had eaten. I thought I was going to breakdown this has been making me very emotional. So throughout the day he ate 5-6 good sized mushrooms, an orange cream Popsicle, 7 slices of cheese, 5 bites of ham, 2 cups of watermelon pieces and since he did such a great job eating grandma took the kids to DQ and he at 1/2 of a small ice cream cone not the kiddie cones since grandma didn't realize they had those but a small, now that's allot of ice cream. Now for dinner he just piddled but that's OK. I was just so proud of him for eating so much throughout the day.
I know that sometimes I feel like I just want to quit but at the same time I feel as though if I quit then I will be quiting on him. A friend of mine reminded me of the time when he was on ECMO. The docs didn't really want him on for as long as he was, they said that 14 days was the max because anything after that would not benefit him but make things worse. On day 14 they tried to wean him and he failed and could not come off. I remember feeling devastated when they told us that we should think about making funeral arrangements because he probably wasn't going to make it. After talking with the docs we or they decided to keep him on for another day and it worked. He was on ECMO for 15 days and because of that extra day he is here with us today. With that she reminded me that we didn't give up on him or loose hope then so we could do this now because it would be what is best for him even though its hard, its not as hard as what we have been through. If that makes any sense. Well that's all for now please continue to pray for our strength. I think I am going to call it a night.