Happy Birthday Madison

Madison Brook Rice

Born Friday, September 28th, 2001 at 11:08 am she was stillborn as my water had broke that Wednesday. The girls had there own sacks so it took some time to decide how to deliver her and keep Nichole safe they gave us less than a 5% chance of Nikki surviving the delivery of Madison.
Madison was 9.7 ounces and 9 3/4 in. long. She was so small but absolutely perfect.

I only remember pieces of the story that the pastor read about two sisters that went on a walk when the younger one dropped her doll and when it hit the ground the doll broke and she cried because the older sister said that she could not fix the doll. I remember feeling broken when you received your wings and all I wanted was for you to be fixed. I don't remember the whole story, that day seemed like a dream that I was just floating through as I was also fighting to save your sister at the same time. I still miss you so much. I feel so blessed to have you in my heart, and wish you could be here with us. I dream of who you may have become and maybe that's what I am missing the most. I have the most wonderful angel above me and I just know that you are watching over us and that I will be with you when it's time. I'm sure your wings are sparkling and your laughter is like a beautiful song. I hope you know how much we love you and that you are a part of everything we do. Your dad and I talk often about how much fun it would have been to have you here with us but we know that it just couldn't be. Happy Birthday sweet angel we love you so much and think about you all the time. Love mom, dad, Nikki, and Cj.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Savannah's Song:

I wonder how do we get by? Grace has always found to be sufficient and leads to understanding in hard times. Though at times our hearts long for her presence and we wish just to see her once again, a bundle of treasures sent from heaven returned as part of a greater plan. Though her eyes never opened, to see this world I know she saw Jesus when he wrapped his arms around my little girl, and I don't mind that someone else holds her though it's hard that we never had the chance to look in her eyes, see her walk, laugh and dance now her little head is resting on his shoulder and I don't mind that someone else holds her.
Now we've learned that all things work together and when in full circle always for the good.
Strength comes from holding onto our truth and calvary's rock will always see you through.
Though her eyes never opened to see this world I know she saw Jesus when he wrapped his arms around my little girl, and I don't mind that someone else holds her though it's hard that we never had the chance to look in her eyes and see her walk, laugh and dance now her little head is resting on his shoulder and I don't mind that someone else holds her.
No I don't mind that Jesus holds her.

THE BIG 40!!!

It is official James will be 40 this year! OUCH!!!! Just kidding babe, you know that I love you. We will be Vegas bound for the big occasion I booked a show with Rodney Carrington on his birthday the 5th of November at the MGM Grand we will be front row and center, I think we are looking forward to this as much as anything he is a great comedian. I took James to see him in KC on one of his other birthdays and we just had a blast so this should be allot of fun. Although I won't be able to drink anything because at the last show a woman got up to go to the bathroom and he announced it the whole way. James says there's no way I won't have to get up. I sure hope not. Stay posted!!! LOL.... We also booked an all day tour of the Hoover Dam on the 4th so that should be fun also. I am looking forward to being back in Nevada and seeing how Vegas has changed (I'm sure allot), but as for James this will be his first time... He is really looking forward to the trip and I'm so happy to be able to do this for him. He is a wonderful husband and father and I just love him so much for all he does and sacrifices for our family.

Radiology Apointment

We had Conrad's appointment today with radiology and they just reran a test that we have already done. It's not really a swallow study but what they do is have him drink some juice with barrium (spelling?) while under an x-ray machine so they can watch what happens when he swallows. We were hoping the tests would help explaine why Cj wants to eat but he won't swallow his food, he just chews it up and spits it out. Unfortunatly the tests did not show us anything, except that he did have some minor refluxing but we knew that might happen when we loosened his fundo over the summer so we were glad that we chose not to loosen it more. Anyways I suppose it's back to the drawing board. We also chose not to have him scoped through the GI clinic and cancelled that appointment due to the fact the Dr. Ostile is not sure that there is anything that he could fix surgically. He did say that he would present his case this Friday during a meeting with other doctors to see if he could maybe get some suggestions on why he retches so bad when he has his tube feedings so maybe we can get some insight with that! if I hear of anything I will post.

September

I can't sleep!! I really don't like this month and would completly skip it altogether if I could. Not that I want to remove the memories for they are so predcious to me I would just love to remove the pain. I still rememeber everything so vividly and the closer we get to the 28th the harder the nights sttll get. You would think that 7 years later it would get easier and I keep waiting. I still remember the sono guy (Jason) telling me that there was no heart beat and the look on his face when he said he would look again or maybe he saw the look on my face. I remember not knowing how to feel and my ob asking if I was ready to hold her and I told him no and the nurses bringing her in anyways I am so gratefull that they did because those moments with her were amazing although too short. I wonder sometimes if she would have had the same personality and interests as Nikki or if she would have been just the opposite, or if they would have looked the same. Nichole speaks of Madison often and comments that she wishes her sister was alive still so that they could play dress up together and it makes my heart ache. Last year in kindergarten the kids all drew pictures of their families for a quilt and Nikki had drawn an angel in the sky to represent Maddi and it made me wonder if she still felt her presence within her. I will always remember Maddi and she will hold a special place in my heart forever.

Photos

I finally dumped my camera onto the computer so there is alot of photos that I want to post as I try to get udated so hopefully it won't be too overwhelming with photos but I sure love to brag.

Surgery Appointment

Cj has an appointment on Tuesday the 23rd. I beleive that they are going to scope him so that we may be able to hopefully find out why he isn't swallowing his foods. I thought that I knew exactly what was going on with this apt. but then GI called about doing a similiar procedure so now I am all confused. I suppose we will find out when we get there. Anyways I will post more next week.

Busy,Busy,Busy

Life has been very busy these days I suppose probably since school started in August! We had made a decision when school got out in May that we were not going to put the kids in any summer activities and just take some time off (which we later realized was not such a great idea). So needless to say when school started we got really busy with all the activities. Nikki has been in piano lessons all year and so far loves it. We were able to get her a great piano off of Craig's list which helped spark her enthusiasm in practicing. She is also on the competition dance team this year which requires 6 hours of practice every week. 3 hours on Friday nights and 3 hours on Saturday mornings, she also has girl scouts on Wednesdays.

Conrad on the other hand lives a much slower paced life, he just started his first year of karate on Tuesdays and although he did have some apprehensions going in, he has found the he really likes it. I do however remind him that he is not to use his karate on his sister (allot) I'm a little nervous but at the same time thrilled that he likes it.

James and I are also teaching our first Financial Peace University Class (Dave Ramsey) and it is going great we had allot of interest in the class and have several couples and individuals taking the class with us. We are very excited to help others as well as ourselves learn how to have financial peace in there lives.